I'm new to this site and I have tried to Google my problem without any luck. So if I could get any advise, I would really appreciate it.
To make a long story short, I'm have been married to my husband for almost 3 years and dated for 3 1/2 years. The reason why we got married so fast was because my visa in Canada was running out and he didn't want me to leave. He suggested that we could get married and so we did.
We started having problems 2 months into our marriage and the problems has gotten worse and worse. We fight constantly and our fights turns psychical sometimes where both of us attack each other. The problems started when I told him that I felt that he wasn't treating me like a wife or a woman.
He would rarely show me any affection, support me or listen to me. When I confronted him with this he just said:"That's not true!" I was literately shot down and ignored! Since that day I have constantly tried desperately to get him to understand me and to show me affection, but all I get are promises that never have been kept.
We have seen 3 marriage counselors and even though he told them that he would follow their advices and exercises, he never wouldn't. When we went to marriage counseling he would described him self as an angel and me as the nagging wife.
Our personalities are quite the opposite, he is an introvert while I'm an extrovert.
I used to think that our age (I'm 31) and personality difference was our problem, but I 100% sure now that he has some sort of mental issue.
This is who he is and how he treats me:
He is 24, shy, cold, negative, quiet, struggles with anxiety, not goal oriented, irresponsible, struggles to communicate, lies to me all the time, cunning, emotionally manipulative, eat his boogers, he runs away for days without letting me know where he is, shows no remorse, he is never wrong if we have a discussion, if he apologizes he will apologize but add a point to justifies his actions, he is unappreciative, if I end up crying during a fight he will just sit there and stare at me without saying a word, he treats me like friend...
I can keep on all night writing down a list of who he is and how he treats me.
He has told me that he loves me and that he doesn't want to lose me, but his words doesn't reflect his actions what so ever. He manipulates me with his words, but the next day he just goes straight back to his old self.
Now it has happen again, my husband has not returned home since Friday and I have no idea where he is. We had a discussion over the phone on Friday while he was at works, and I haven't seen or heard from him since then. This is the ninth time he has taken off without a trace, and every time without a call or text or anything to let me know where he's at or if he's OK. When I finally have found him, he would give me an vague explanation like "I needed to think and get away from that environment".
Normally I would call or drive to his friends/family, his work or email to find him, but I didn't do it this time. Every time I would go out of my way to find him, and I felt so low and like I had lost my dignity. So I decided that I wouldn't chase after him this time, but is has been very hard to hold back.
All I want is to find him and have him explain himself
I thought he was going to come home today since he needs clean clothes etc, so I was looking out the window like a fool for 2 hours, but he never showed up.
I'm wondering, how long should I wait for him to get in contact before I start making some drastic changes? Or should I wait at all? I just don't know if I can believe him anymore. He has promised me every time that he wouldn't disappear again, and then of course, he goes and does it again. I don't trust him and I have pretty much lost all my feelings for him.
I've nobody to talk to and I'm all alone in this country. I'm desperately trying to find answers on what to do because I don't know what to do or who I'm anymore.
I have so many emotions going through my head and I can't control them.
I feel like an idiot, betrayed, disappointed, sad, angry, worthless, and confused.
I feel like this time it's inexcusable and cowardly what he's done and even if he calls and apologizes or whatever, why should I believe him AGAIN? I'm tired of the lies and tired of wondering every time he goes out, if he's gonna come back, and then when he's gone for 3+ days if I should move on or wait for him to come back.
It's a distressing cycle and he won't talk, so I don't even know what his problem is or why he keeps doing this.
Does he have a personality disorder, is he immature or is he just an a-hole?
I appreciate all the advices I can get