We have been married nearly 5 years. We met in the army and fell in love fast. I got pregnant and we married before I gave birth. The wedding was beautiful. But we have had problems. I have been a bad wife. I haven't supported his happiness or done a very good job as a homemaker (I stay at home). He deployed in 2009 and had a 2 month emotional affair. At that point, I was ready to leave. But I stayed. I read a marriage book and asked him to read it. He didn't. He also wouldn't go to marriage counseling. When he returned and we moved in together, he had sex with another woman 5 months later. I didn't find out two months after the fact. 2011 was supposed to be about saving our marriage. I couldn't find it in me to fall in love with him again. I continued to live with him and he tried very hard. I could not get over him sleeping with another woman. It ate at me everyday. In April I went home for a funeral, and I then had sex with another man. The pain I caused myself and my husband was awful. In may we visited his family in California. We fell in love again. But when we got home, I started feeling sad again. I don't know why. My best friend was giving me horrible advice. Everytime I told her my husband did something wonderful, she would tell me "of course he did. It doesn't mean anything though." I stopped going to her for advice in the fall and fell in love with my husband all over again. But the pain I caused him, tell him I needed a little space after California was immense. He still tried his best and remained very romantic. In October 2012 he left for three months for a military school. I fell more in love...but the time he had to think made him feel like he wasn't in love with me.

I know I haven't reciprocated his feelings. I have also struggled with a bad temper and have been cruel at times. We both are guilty of tearing down our marriage. We are currently separated. I live down the road from him with our daughter. He stays with a friend.

It had been a week since he told me he doesn't know, but is leaning toward a divorce. I've read marriage books and I know that I need to provide more action: more love, and I need to change. He is still kind and has helped me get into an apartment. He maintains that he NOT seeing another woman. He still opens doors for me, we have also had sex (but tells me that he feels like he is using me afterwards). Sex was something I neglected big time in our marriage.

I'm a wreck. I am motivated to keep this marriage. I love this man. I know in my heart we are meant to be together. He said he would go to marriage counseling once, but cannot promise he'd go regularly. He does speak to a chaplain himself. I am starting therapy this week.

Please help. I'm so afraid of losing him. I can't bear to be apart from him. I am so in love with him and I want to be a good wife.

Of course.