On Friday my wife of almost three years informed me she was in a bad place about us and asked for some time and space. My parents were away so I spent the weekend at their house. I came back Sunday to hear that she wants to separate. I did everything wrong, I'm sure, pleading, arguing, offering options. Only thing I didn't do was wrap myself around her leg.
She says the way our relationship has developed won't work long-term. She is not confident change is possible. The biggest underlying issue is honesty - I have been dishonest even when I have promised not to be. Nothing adulterous — an addiction issue (7 months clean) and some disagreements over certain computer activities — but I have repeatedly been dishonest. Now nothing has happened in the last few months - I haven't done anything about which I need to lie.
But other issues include finances, sex life, time together, time as a family (five-year-old stepson involved). I have told her I am willing to address all of these things but she says she is at her whit's end. But she has agreed to see a marriage counsellor.
She is tired and unemotional. I am all over the place but what I recognize most of all is that I am an unhappy person. I love my wife and want to give this every possible effort - I want to "divorce" the old and create the new, so to speak. She has gone from "Someone has to leave July 1" to "We'll talk about it this weekend."
I recognize I need counselling on my own to deal with my pervasive unhappiness with myself (300lbs, pack-a-day smoker, etc). But I want to do that within the confines of my home and while trying to reset my marriage.
My main issue is what to do right now and I mean right now! I kept coming at her yesterday with new arguments and I know I can't keep doing that. I want to talk but does she need space? Do I do my moping separately? I have checked out a bunch of books from the library - do I read them alone or make it known? Do I tell her I love her? Hug her when I like or kiss her? I want to do those things but she has said she does not want to give me false impressions.
I need "in the moment" advice. Space or no space? Affection or not? Talk or not for a bit? And how do I separate my need to find my own happiness with wanting to improve my marriage? Any thoughts are welcome. Thank you.