I have been having many problems with my husbands family members for a very long time now.  I have been with my husband for 16 years, married for 11 years.  We had a child before we married who is now 15.  I have been experiencing issues with the family for about 15 years.  It was not so bad in the beginning but has gotten extremely worse in the last 2 years.  My husbands mother has been verbally abusive to me, making comments that hurt my feelings and make me feel so unwelcome as a member of the family.  When I gave birth to my son, I cried when they handed him to me out of pure joy.  She told her entire family that I was crying because I didn't want my son.  When I confronted her about it she said she was joking.  When I got engaged to her son, she introduced me to her family members as her son's future fiance and would then throw in a "if they make it" and laugh.  When I married my husband, cards were signed by "mom and ms. S" clearly stating that I am not to call her mom.  His mother is divorced now for 27 years where my husbands father left her for another woman.  She never remarried or took up other relationships.  I believe she had a hard time letting go of her sons in fear of being alone.  I have tried to speak with her and tell her that she hurts my feelings with her comments, she apologizes but then turns around and continues to do it.  I have tried to build a close relationship with her and go out of my way for her but she doesn't appreciate the things I do and doesn't care.  My husband defends her by saying she is old and doesn't think before she blurts out some of the comments and does nothing and says absolutely nothing at the moment the comments are made.  He in fact will sometimes blame me by saying I am being ridiculous and that I need to get over it.  That I need to understand that she is getting old.
I also have problems with my sister-in-law (my husbands brothers wife).  I have had problems with her from the very beginning.  When I first met my husband, his brother asked me to fix him up with a friend.  My now sister-in-law was, at that time, his ex-girlfriend whom I knew nothing about but was trying to get back with him.  I fixed him up with a friend of mine.  Unfortunately it did not last and he ended up back with her.  She hated me without giving me a chance to get to know me because she saw me as the person who fixed her boyfriend up with a friend of mine.  I ended up getting pregnant about 5 months into my relationship with my husband and 6 months later she was pregnant as well.  Since I met her I have tried so hard to build a relationship with her.  I asked her to be in my wedding (she accepted of course since my husbands brother was the bestman), I would call her and try to get together with her for "girls day" hangouts (when I call her I say "Hi __, how are you?, she responds "yah".  She married my husbands brother 7 months after we got married.  They bought a house together first and called upon my husband to help them do work on their house.  My husband and his brother are very handy guys...They built a deck, put up a fence, installed a sprinkler system, hung wallpaper, installed new windows.  You name it they did it and I never once complained about the time it took for my husband to help them with all of this.  At the time, my husband and I lived in an apartment.  We bought a newly built home about 6 months after we married.  When we did the contracts with the homebuilder we brought the plans for the home to show his brother and my sil.  She never complimented or wished us well on this.  She looked and then proceded to pull his brother into another room where they fought over the fact that we were buying a new home.  The house they lived in at the time was a small 2 bdrm.  She was completely jealous instead of being happy for us.  When I stated that she was being immature to my husband, his reply was "we should have never brought the plans over to show them".  And with a new home you have lots of work to do with it.  We called upon his brother for help on putting in a fence, deck, yard stuff and she told his brother that he is not to help us at all.  My husband didn't say anything to her or his brother and told me he didn't really need his help or care that she said that. 
There are so many other instances and I would have to write a book to explain them all.  My point is that I have bit my lip and let a lot of things slide with his mother and my sil.  2 years ago our daughter was preparing to make communion as well as their daughter (go figure), we had a meeting at the church and my husband and I were running late.  When we walked in many of the tables were filled and I had to quickly scout out a spot with two open seats for my husband and I.  I didn't notice that my sil was sitting at a table minus her husband and ended up walking right by her and sat at a different table.  My husband noticed her after we had passed and asked me if I wanted to sit at her table.  After a quick look there were scattered chairs, not two open next to each other, so I said lets just sit here since the meeting was under way.  This made her mad and didn't realize how mad she was until we were leaving and when I tried to talk to her she ignored me.  I tried to call her afterwards and explain that I did not initially see her and that I didn't want to delay or cause commotion during a church meeting when I did see.  I apologized and told her it was nothing personal when she replyed that she didn't have time for my sh** and hung up on me.  My husband was sitting right there when I made the call.  I told him what happened and he didn't say anything.  I expressed that I can't her anymore and that I am done (only took me 16 years). I have tried so hard.  How can you continue to try with people when they continuously treat you in this manner.  We have not really spoken since.  She has since tried to pick a fight with me at a family gathering in front of the family and stated that I am not allowed near her children.  His mother has involved herself in all of this as well and made an embarrasing display at my house in front of my family and guests but telling one of my guests in my home that I am responsible for breaking up the family and that I am someone my husband just sleeps with and that she can't do anything about it.  All of which my husband has done nothing or said anything to stick up for me. 
I am completely hurt by his family and my husband for all this.  I have lost my trust in my husband and have fallen out of love with him because I think I allowed this to go on for so long.  I have spoken with my husband about divorce a few times over the last few years and when I do he says he will confront his family and stick up for me but then when something else happens, he doesn't.  I, at this point, want nothing more to do with his family and him.  I am scared and feel like I am up against a brick wall...for one, financially and 2 my children.  I don't want to hurt my children by splitting up our family but I am so unhappy and feel so disrespected by everyone including my husband.  Isn't it unfair to keep children in an uphappy environment? Don't I deserve to be happy and respected by my husband and his family?  What do I do?  Sorry for the book but I have 16 years of instances and about 90% of them I haven't even listed.  Please help...any advice would be appreciated.