It all started two and a half years ago. The first time we went through the threat of divorce. One day she hit me out of the blue with the fact that she was unhappy and wanted a divorce. I was already suspicious that she was having an affair with a co-worker because his wife had called me concerned that something was going on between them. Four months into the waiting for a divorce to happen and right when I felt I was finally had acceptance for wwhat was happening, she called and wanted to get back together. During that time I had accused her of cheating and she said I was nuts. When I went back I found a letter on her computer confessing her love for this guy and her disappointment in him that he had moved on before she could get the divorce. I got upset and was told that I could never bring it up if I stayed, so I didn't but I missed out on one piece of advice I know today. Forgiveness, and I lived with an unforgiving heart for the next two and a half years. I still let her have her freedom but I have never really trusted her because she blamed the letter on me and him; me for making her weak and him for taking advantage of her while she was weak.
Two and a half years later here we are again. I know I have made mistakes and I have done some deep soul searching and even have started therapy to help conquer these issues. She has said that she is unhappy and wants a divorce but then decides that she dont know what she wants and I validate her unhappiness. But then I notice she is hiding her cell phone and acting suspicious. I look at the phone records and she had two hundred and sixty nine text messages in three days as well as phone calls lasting a minimum of one to two hours atleast three times a day with another man. When I confront her she says that it is nothing and that I am just going to belive what I want to believe. I ask her to show me the text and she has deleted them from her phone. She also sleeps with her phone underneath her and never lets it out of her sight. I have been living in the misery of limbo now for a month and a half. I moved out today because I can't handle it anymore. We have two beautiful children and I dont want to leave them but my relationship with them is suffering with them because I cant focus. When I ask her what she is doing working on the marriage or getting a divorce she says "I don't know" but says she is trying but then says she can't say she wants to try because she can't say it will work.
I love my wife and want things to work but I dont know if this is a pattern that I am going to have to live with the rest of my life if I stay. I feel as though she is waiting to see if something else works out before she commits to a divorce being that is what she did last time. My kids deserve better and I am willing but misery bites. Please give feedback. Sorry so long