HOW PORN AFFECTS (1)

In this program a couple tell their poignant story. Both had difficult childhoods that led to complications in their marriage, including ography and affairs. The future seemed dim for their marriage. However, they overcame.

Hear their story. Ask them questions. Interact with Dr. Joe Beam as he interviews them and also responds to your questions about your own relationship.

Sexually Explicit Materials (SEM) – often simply called – is widely available, affordable, and can be accessed anonymously. Both men and women by the millions visit Internet SEM sites every day. Some say it makes their marriage better. Some don’t. This couple will share with you the devastating effect it had on their marriage.

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One thought on “[PODCAST] “How Porn Affects Husband & Wife” The Dr. Joe Show Podcast

  • July 4, 2016 at 4:08 am
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    When we were engaged he confessed he had struggled with porn but eluded that it was in the past and he just felt like he needed to confess it to me before we got married. I was stunned, proud of his bravery, and very quick to forgive and forget. Less than a year into our marriage I accidentally came across porn in the history on his computer. I immediately confronted him with it and we were both very devastated. He seemed very sorry, broke down crying, asked me to forgive him, and he swore it wouldn’t happen again. For the second time, I was very quick to forgive and forget. I truly thought it was behind us and I never doubted him. We’ve now been happily (up until recently) married for 5 1/2 years and something recently tipped me off that something was wrong. When I was out of town I logged onto an iPhone app and noticed our home security camera was turned around facing the wall instead of into our living room. I confronted him about it via text while I was still out of town and he gave me an excuse as to what happened. I knew in my gut he wasn’t telling the truth. I confronted him again when I returned home, this time in person, and he lied again even going as far as demonstrating the excuse he concocted. After that I completely disassociated from our relationship, my heart hardened, and for two months when he was at work I was logging onto his home computer, iPad, cell phone records, text messages, emails, anything I could get my hands on and I found NOTHING. I knew in my gut he was lying – and because I couldn’t find any proof of my suspicions I felt like I was going crazy and I felt very guilty for doubting my husband. I tried to talk myself out of my intuition but just couldn’t get past it. Because I was so distant during this time he kept asking me what was wrong and what could he do to “fix” whatever was wrong. I was completely shut down, not communicating (what’s the point when he just lies) but I managed to tell him that I just wanted the truth. He told me there was nothing more he could tell me, he already told me what happened, etc. After another week of hardly speaking I confronted him yet again and this time I told him that I downloaded some software that recovers deleted files (a bluff, because I litterally had no evidence of porn) and He asked me what I found. Bingo. I knew this was the moment and I knew exactly what to do. I asked him, “what do you think I found?” It was only then, when he thought I had evidence, that he confessed. I was utterly and completely devastated. I told him it wasn’t so much the porn that upset me (although I have come to learn that this is an addiction that started way before we started dating and my heart truly breaks for him and I want him to beat this addiction) but I told him it was the lies that had done so much damage. To make things worse I thought I would feel relief in my intuition/suspicion after he confessed, but I didn’t. Probably because during my two month investigation I found some overly friendly texts between him and a former (she moved out of state right around the time I was out of town) female coworker. Nothing sexual but definitely crossing the line for my comfort – looked to me like the warning signs of a potential emotional affair (I.e. Awhile back a coworker of their unexpectedly died and my husband sent her a text saying, “feel free to come by my office anytime tomorrow if you need to talk.” And a month before he confessed to me about the porn she sent him a photo of her sonogram – talk about bad timing for my insecurity!). Of course he denies anything ever happening between them and that they were only friends. Though our conversations about her seem (I admit SEEM in my current over suspicious state) fraught with Freudian slips and conflicting info. Ultimately, I know I won’t ever be able to trust him the same way again. I’m thankful that we haven’t started a family yet and now I don’t think I’ll ever want to with him. The desire to have kids has completely left me for fear of something completely devastating happening in the future. The thought of leaving him hurts so much, but so does the thought of staying only to be betrayed again later down the road. I believe he is a good man that made bad decisions but I don’t think I can/want to build a life on a broken foundation. I feel like I’ve been robbed of the past 5 years, robbed of a great marriage and family, and I’m not sure I want to put another 5, 10, 20, years on the line. I’ve asked him if he’s ever had an affair or even a one night stand. He swears he hasn’t and says it is disgusting and that he couldn’t live with himself if he ever did that. But I can’t bring myself to believe him. The thing that scares me is that he was soooo good at covering his tracks (I litterally found NOTHING after two months of investigating his devices – after he confessed I eventually did buy recovery software and didn’t find any evidence of porn. Turns out he was using private browsers), that along with the fact that he has never confessed unless I have “evidence.” If he ever wanted to have an affair (or did) with someone at work I’m convinced I’d never be able to prove it and I feel in my heart he wouldn’t ever confess unless I was able to prove it. I feel so trapped. I’m a Christian and I hate divorce. I believe that the Bible indicates divorce is permissible (not mandated) after adultery (the physical act of extramarital sex) only due to the hardness of our hearts. I admit that I am very broken and my heart is currently very hard. I’ve been trying to work on this, praying that my heart is softened. I don’t feel like I have the option of an “out” if I can’t prove the adultery I regrettably suspect. I’m not even sure I would want “out” if there was adultery but I feel trapped because right now it’s not even an option. Has anyone gone through lying or deception like this? I just don’t see how I can ever trust him again.

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