It’s quite common for couples to ask my opinion on whether or not they are Biblically free to use pornography to help them get ready for sex or to enhance their lovemaking.
I have three thoughts to share concerning this issue:
One The average female porn star retires by the age of 28 and the average male porn star retires by the age of 32. The reason for this is that the porn industry sees the human body as being at its physical peak between the ages of 18 and 28 for females; 21-32 for males. Her breasts are firmer and other areas of both the male and female bodies are without age spots or wrinkles. The person in a pornography video will never grow a day older or lose that “perfection,” yet your wife or husband naturally will.
Here’s the warning: If you choose to use pornography as a means to sexually arouse yourself, you are forfeiting the ability to become aroused by your spouse. Over time, it will become more and more difficult to be sexually aroused by your life mate because he or she will age while the porn star forever remains youthful in pictures and videos. Losing the ability to be sexually aroused by your spouse is a very bad thing! Not only are you putting yourself at risk for the temptation of an affair, but you are killing what should be a beautiful experience shared by you and your spouse.
Furthermore, which is really the better body? Is the better body the one whose breasts nursed your children and held you close when you were scared or sad? The body that sleeps by your side at night? The world might see the young porn star’s body as being the best, but which is really the best? Why would you want to give up the ability to be aroused by the best?
Two The use of pornography will inevitably destroy the self esteem of your spouse. Porn stars are selected because they are not normal. The females they select are usually far above average in breast size and in the appearance of other features. The males are usually far above average in terms of penis size and in the appearance of other features.
As your spouse is constantly exposed to the “perfection” of the people having sex in the video, he or she usually begins to feel ugly, inadequate and unwanted. In time it becomes painfully obvious to your spouse that a substitute is required to sexually excite you. Can you see how that would destroy self esteem? And trust me, it doesn’t get better with time–it only gets worse as each of you experience the normal aging process while at the same time watching porn stars who are permanently young.
Three If you are using another person–even a picture of another person–to sexually excite and arouse yourself, you are committing adultery according to Jesus. Jesus said, “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:27-28).
I certainly don’t want to judge another person. Nor do I want to involve myself in another’s sex life. Each person is obviously free to make independent choices, yet I feel that it is important for you to have all the facts and viewpoints at your access so that you can make an informed decision.
This question has been asked so often by couples around the world that we felt it necessary to provide an answer as a resource for individuals who want to please God in every area of their lives and to act in the best interest of their marriage and spouse.
If your marriage is in danger of separation or divorce, call us at (866) 903-0990 to speak with someone or use the form below to request more information about our Marriage Helper workshop for troubled marriages. We can help you save your marriage even in cases of infidelity, loss of trust, anger, sexual problems, and other issues. (If you’re thinking your spouse would never come, contact us by phone or the form below and we’ll tell you what others who felt the same way did to get their spouses there.) We will keep everything you tell us completely confidential. Our motivation is to help you determine if this workshop is right for your particular situation. We also offer solutions for couples who can’t attend the workshop.