Is Your Husband or Wife Having an Affair?
How to know if your spouse is cheating on you.
It's a sad fact, but this article is necessary because an ever-increasing number of people are wondering if a husband or wife is cheating and what signs to look for to know if their suspicions are accurate. You might be wondering if your husband or wife is cheating on you or you could be concerned for a friend whose spouse might be having an affair. In today's world, adultery is becoming common, especially with websites existing solely to bring people together for affairs. On such websites, people actually advertise themselves as wanting to have an affair because they are unhappy in their marriage or because they are sexual addicts. I realize that you may be in some degree of fear, frustration or sorrow as you read this article. For that, I offer my deepest sympathy. I can, however, offer the following information as a tool for you to use in determining the likelihood of whether or not a spouse is cheating. It might require some detective work on your part, but knowing if your spouse is having an affair is worth the work because then you can you move forward. Phone Usage and Typical Patterns of Cheating Husbands and Wives If you already think your spouse is cheating on you, you should add an item to your list of clues if you notice that your spouse turns off his/her cell phone when with you or leaves the room when taking or making calls. He/she might even become angry if you answer or "mess with" their cell phone. Check the cell phone bill for calls made. Often times these calls are in the morning of the evening while your husband/wife is driving to and from work. The only good thing about a cell phone bill is that it lists all the calls made in a billing cycle (or you can ask your service provider to do that for you). Most cheaters consider a cell phone to be a necessity because it allows them to make calls while driving and away from home, but if he or she does not have one, you might want to buy them one just so you can track their calls. Another detail to examine on a cell phone bill would be extremely long calls. Sometimes such calls can be for business matters, but if your spouse is in a profession that doesn't require a great deal of cell phone use, or if the cell phone use has increased for no apparent reason, you have logical reason to be very suspicious. Also take note if you receive an unusual amount of wrong number or hang up calls to your home phone and especially if you notice his or her cell phone ring immediately after someone hung up when you answered. Your spouse may also occasionally hang up suddenly when you enter the home or a room. The Computer: An Ally and an Enemy The computer can be a tool for a cheating spouse, but can act as a double agent in that it can serve to catch an adulterous person as well. Software exists to collect, save and report all activity on a computer. This software, called key logger software can be found around the Internet. Another type of software that I highly recommend is called Internet Safety because of their proven track record and my own experiences with them. The software includes pornography filters, virus protection and other valuable tools that will aid you in your investigation since cheaters are often (but not always) highly involved in porn. Computer Behavior of a Cheater Cheaters will delete their web history if they know how (most do). If you notice that history has been deleted when you are certain the suspect has been online, your spouse is hiding something. Another clue is if he or she demands privacy when on a computer and often closes a screen when you "accidently" walk in. This may also tell you that your spouse is viewing pornography which in my opinion is digital adultery. If you notice that your spouse loses interest in sex after being on the computer, it could be that he or she has masturbated with an online sex partner or from viewing pornography. So if your spouse usually has a healthy and active attitude towards sex except after a lengthy computer session, the math might be laid out for you that he or she has found another outlet. Money Clues As I've said many times, "Sin is expensive." I've also warned that high credit card debt can be a sign of someone having an affair. You need to look for credit card bills containing unusual expenses that may be gifts. That includes jewelry, travel, cosmetic products, perfume, florist items and lingerie. But if he's a "smart" cheater, he'll have lots of cash on him without good reason. You may also notice an increase in gas purchases on the credit card that add up to more miles than your husband or wife should be driving. Take note of the daily mileage so you can notice unexplained increases. Physical Changes It's common for a husband or wife having an affair to alter his or her personal appearance to the preference of the lover. She might get a new hairstyle, visit the tanning salon, change perfume, buy large amounts of new clothes including lingerie and sexy underwear. He might join a gym, begin or increase taking Viagra without increasing lovemaking sessions with his wife, shave body hair or begin using a product to color his gray hair or a gel to restyle it. Though there is nothing inherently wrong with these actions, if they exist along with other clues, you may have a cheater on your hands. Relational Changes Suddenly your spouse seems uninterested in your relationship and has fewer conversations with you. He or she makes spontaneous plans that don't include you and give you little time to object. The cheating spouse may ask specific details about your schedule for no apparent reason. Sex between the cheater and spouse may increase or decrease. He or she may request different kinds of sex or suggest a threesome or swinging. Often times cheaters do not want to share baths or sleep while embracing their spouse. This is for a somewhat complex reason that can summed up by saying that they actually feel like they are emotionally cheating on the person with whom they are having their affair. The cheater doesn't want to feel emotional closeness to you because should he/she begin feeling close to you, he/she would likely feel some of the sting of their betrayal and have to wrestle with the guilt that comes when people do things they know are wrong. Family Time Changes A cheating spouse often loses interest in family events that involve the children. This is often because the children represent responsibility that the affair is helping him/her forget. The affair is giving them a sense of freedom and fun that transcends reality. Yet lack of family time may lead to extravagant gift purchases for the children and unusual increases in time spent with them in order to appease the cheater's feelings of guilt. At the Office If your spouse comes home later than usual and becomes angry when you ask the reason, there's probably a problem. Look for recent hires at work and if they are of the opposite sex, ask your spouse about them. For example, if there's a new woman at work, ask him if he thinks she's pretty. If he's says no but when you meet her she is very pretty, you may have a cheater. After all, why would he lie about her looks? The answer is that he doesn't want you be suspicious of her or his relationship with her. An innocent man in a healthy relationship should be honest. He would say something like, "She's pretty, but not as pretty as you." However, you should provide an environment in which he can be honest. If he feels you're going to punish him by being upset or pouting if he admits she's pretty, then this doesn't apply because the reason he's being dishonest is not because of an affair but rather because he's trying to avoid punishment from you. If you're a husband suspecting your wife, simply switch the details above to your situation. When You Get Home When you get home after the suspected cheater has been there "alone" look for the following clues to see if he or she has had an encounter with the lover:
You may find many of the clues in this article and yet your spouse MAY still be faithful. This article in no way implies guilt on anyone and may not be used in a court of law or as legal grounds for any charges or demands. Nothing short of catching your spouse with the lover, or a confession, will prove beyond a doubt that an affair is taking place. But usually your suspicions are correct. If you have evidence that your spouse is cheating on you, don't automatically give up on your marriage. We can help marriages that have been hurt by infidelity even if the cheating spouse doesn't want to save the marriage. We have a proven track record and the credentials to help.
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