compatibility test for married couplesInstructions for Compatibility Test for Couples:

Please answer our marriage compatibility test questions as honestly as possible, based on what you truly feel is characteristic of your relationship right now. Do not answer how you think it should be but how it actually is and feels.

Throughout the marriage compatibility test for couples, there are blanks for you to mentally insert the name of your spouse. Just say his or her name in your head whenever you come across a blank.

Rate the following questions on the compatibility test for couples using a scale of 1 to 9. One means not at all. Five means moderately. Nine means very much.

Note: All information submitted on this page through this marriage compatibility test for couples is considered confidential, will be kept private and never sold or given to any third party vendors. Used by permission of Dr. Robert Sternberg, Yale University. If your scores are low, we can help. Click here to get more information on our Marriage Helper 911 workshop for couples in troubled marriages.

33 thoughts on “Marriage Compatibility Test

  • January 10, 2016 at 3:00 am
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    I lost respect for my husband over time, controlling, depressing, bad behavior, which eventually made it impossible to be in love with him. At first I was in and out of love, relationship whiplash if you will. It was a slow death because I wanted to love him, I would always try again until the pattern of bad behavior was a mountain I could no longer convince myself to climb. I would get over the bad behavior and he would be kind only to start over with being an ass of a man. I’ve prayed, fasted, prayed and fasted, done 30 days for your spouse, countless bible studies, how to’s and endless tips. I finally came to the conclusion that I was the only one wanting a change. I couldn’t pray him into something he would never choose to do, change. He doesn’t see problems and refuses counseling, he has told me that the kids and I ruined his opportunities for wealth and I think he regrets marrying in the first place and treats us so because his life didn’t turn out the way he wanted. I found a journal of his by mistake about 2 years ago, I thought it was a financial book we keep passwords in, but this one had the most awful vile things in it about me and how he hated me. When I confronted him he blamed me for reading it and said it was nothing. I’ve been to counseling on my own, submerged myself in projects, ministry and sevice to distract myself from the inevitable. I no longer love him but I can’t leave. I mean I can’t get myself to leave. Of course he still wants to be intimate but it’s terrible for me, brings me to tears privately after. I can’t even stand the smell of him or his presence. My father was such a Godly man and treated my mother so good that I’m embarrassed that my husband is so awful. I try to hide it all like a woman with physical bruises, I cover everything up. My mother died a few years ago so I have not wanted to burden my father with how horrible it is to live with my husband. I don’t wan’t him to see me divorce and grief to him and he feel like a failure as a father. I’m compelled to stay, for our precious children to have a father, for a stable home and for the gospel. Jesus loves me and I’m a sinner, I should try to love him the way God has loved me? it’s the right thing to stay and love the unloveable? Paul commends Christian women not to leave their unbelieving spouses, how much more that I married to a man who professes Christ should stay? If I keep up the facade, not make him angry, try hard to live by his rules and not get him upset, it can be tolerable. I want to be free of him and yet, I feel compelled to stay.

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    • January 14, 2016 at 8:19 pm
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      Merideth. You are a wonderful person. You deserve the world and I’m sure your Dad would want to know. It wouldn’t burden him, if he is a good man he would rather know and help you and love you the way you deserve to be. Your children would be better off if you are happy. And you know that God would want you to be happy, he is there for you through thick and thin. God would not want you to suffer this. You would not be leaving because he does not believe, you would be leaving for you and your Children and your dad. Your mum will be with you through all of this. She and God will give you strength because it is stronger to leave and be safe. You owe this man nothing. Remember your children. A stable home is not one that hurts. Jesus loves you.

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    • January 19, 2016 at 6:25 pm
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      Meridith,
      You are not doing yourself or your children any favors by staying in a marriage that is pretty much dead. I was married for 9 years with two children from my ex and for years I knew it was over, but I was convinced I couldn’t never make it on my own. I didn’t want my kids to not have their dad. It was actually my daughter and a letter I found that she had written to God that ultimately made me walk out the door for good. My children were 11 and 8 at the time and it was the best decision I’ve ever made. It wasn’t easy but I didn’t have to walk on eggshells anymore and that alone was enough. No marriage should be that way. It’s been 5 years and my children are now 15 and 12, their father made the choice to have no part of them and that’s more difficult to deal with then initially saying enough is enough. I however have found the most amazing, wonderful man that I’m engaged to and he’s everything I could’ve have prayed for God to bring into my life. He’s my soulmate and he’s the father that my children need. He’s there 100% and I couldn’t be more thankful. I’m truly happy now and I owe that to having enough courage and enough stength to make the decision that my children and myself deserved more than what we had. I hope you find that for yourself. You and your children deserve more than what you have right now. It’s hard and I’m the first person to admit that but at some point in time you will find that there is so much more to life than the misery you are dealing with. I will keep you in my prayers.

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    • January 20, 2016 at 3:12 pm
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      The Lord be with you Sister.

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    • January 21, 2016 at 10:57 am
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      How would your father react to knowing you were 8n such an abusive relationship? Your Heavenly Father sees your anguish and sent Christ to give you an abundant life. Abuse is not part of it. There is no shame in divorce; there is freedom from tyrany.
      Jeremiah 29:11 tells us God has good plans for you. Follow the dream God put in your heart.You cant do that living in such a state!

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    • January 23, 2016 at 10:54 am
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      I’m praying for you.

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    • February 11, 2016 at 4:21 pm
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      I feel your pain. My situation is not exactly the same but many times over the last 13 years I’ve felt alone and wanted to leave. I couldn’t because of the promises I made when we got married. I continued to do my best with the situation. I worked hard on the house and with the kids. I started my own business and started to bring in money. After a long time it got easier. He loosened up a little bit, probably didn’t feel the burden of caring for the family as much. He relaxed when he got used to the kids and what was okay. I got on his case when he was mean to the kids and I called him out when he said/did things that weren’t right. He asked that I did it later and not in front of the kids. We spent much time fighting and he would get really upset when I called him out. After all these years he has changed. He knew I was right about some of the stuff he did and eventually he changed it. He gets stressed and pushes the kids but for the most part he is a really good dad. He is getting better. I had every reason to leave and wouldn’t have been judged for doing it, but I’m glad I didn’t. We are still together, our family is still together, we are learning and it continues to get better.

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    • February 13, 2016 at 1:57 am
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      You really think your dad would want to see you with an abusive man you can’t stand? You think Christ is a reason to stay with an asshole? I will never blame a woman for staying in an abusive relationship, but…

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    • March 3, 2016 at 1:50 am
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      I as a male has been treated more as a weak female or child no respect or appreciated. Thankfully I have been strong enough to resist her foolishness

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      • March 4, 2016 at 3:52 pm
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        Thank you for your feedback. We have a few different articles that may help you with this situation. Please feel free to look through them all!

        Reply
    • April 14, 2016 at 12:30 am
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      This is very troubling. And sad beyond measure. Honestly, you need to pack up your children, head out, and book it to your fathers. He will understand. If you need, take a copy of that journal to him. He will understand. It is the 21st century and divorce, albeit sad and hard, is sometimes the necessary route to get you back to your happiness. Staying in an abusive relationship, whether it be mental, physical, or spiritual; is horrible. God would not want to see you living like that.

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    • April 15, 2016 at 4:00 pm
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      I am there with you. I have been married to a man for 16 years. We have a teenage son together and I came into the marriage with 3 teenagers, whom he never accepted. I have lived the life of an emotional hell for most of those years. It has been an emotional roller coaster ride. He is verbally and mentally abusive. He has always been a good provider, but I never got the emotional support and love that I needed to cope. Finally, my son and I went to counseling. Her advice was that we needed a therapeutic separation for a while. Today marks 13 weeks and he shows no effort in even trying to spend time with me. I feel that I have to make an appointment just to see him and then when I do, it escalates into everything he deems my fault from the past. He cannot get out of the past. He lacks the ability to forgive anyone and its always somebody else’s fault that he acts an ass. In one breath he wants out and says he doesn’t want to try, but then in the other breath, he wants to do couples counseling. I feel as if I am living in limbo. And as crazy as it sounds, I still have hope that it will work. I have prayed so much until I feel as if God doesn’t hear me. I will pray for you and please pray for me.

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    • May 31, 2016 at 9:26 pm
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      This may be late, but I must say. It is very evident that you have lost yourself completely. Between trying to console your soul because your convictions and trying endlessly to please your husband. There is no self left over. Can I suggest one thing. Find yourself again. Learn to have self compassion. Stop letting your shame control you. If you are able to learn to be yourself and care, love and respect yourself then it may help your husband to learn to respect and love you more. The woman he first met you as is gone, go find her and introduce him to her again. Even if he doesn’t, at least do it for you.

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      • December 5, 2016 at 4:45 am
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        wow… what good advice! we often look at the splinter in someone else but refuse to see the log in ourselves…

        you can’t change someone.. but you can change yourself.

        setting boundaries is important. refuse to be treated badly.. let them carry the consequences.

        I for example, refuse to be shouted and sworn at. so the consequence is, I put down the phone when he does that, or leave, until he can speak to me calmly. He hates it! but has learned that if he speaks to me properly with out shouting and swearing, I will listen to him and we can discuss a problem properly.

        he used to have affairs, and each time I caught him out, I’d leave. he felt very rejected and insecure and would try everything in his power to prevent me from leaving, from throwing tantrums to begging and crying. But I left. and when his behaviour returned to being respectable, I’d return. after a year and a half, of repeated behaviour, he has finally repented and given up his sexual perniciousness and is doing Bible studies and wants to be baptised.

        We are a result of our childhood… satan wants to destroy us as soon as we are conceived. so many of us have been sexually abused, degraded, felt not good enough, rejected in one way or another, and this effects our behaviour as adults. If we realise we are only the results of our childhood years and forgive our perpetrators, and stand for what we are, princes and princesses of our great King and God, we dont ever have to feel rejected… as God has not rejected us… we never have to feel insignificant, as God saw us so significant and precious that He sent His Son to die for us! The Bible says in John, Bretheren in all things I want you to prosper and be healthy! Wow! God wants us to be happy!

        secret in marriage and relationships is creating boundaries and respecting each others boundaries. Loving and sacrificing, respecting and giving…. it worked for me.

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      • January 16, 2017 at 4:19 am
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        That is as God would expect a union to resolve there superficial issues! I respect your honor and faith in how you set a great exemplary example for all human kind. Bravo

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    • October 20, 2016 at 10:01 am
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      I am losing it with my fiance. It’s not the same anymore. We are planning a wedding but the more we talk the more I see we are very different. My son loves her. I am falling out of love.

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    • March 8, 2017 at 10:25 am
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      Meredith, although your post is from over a year ago, I feel compelled to respond. Reading your words is like tearing a page out of my own life and seeing someone else live through the same pain I too endure. I hope you have found happiness weather you chose to stay with your husband or were finally able to break free. I feel like I may never find the strength to walk away from my marriage and I hope & pray everyday for love to enter into my husbands heart. You will be in my prayers as well. Thank you for sharing your story and allowing yourself to be vulnerable to an audience of strangers. You are not alone!

      Reply
    • September 19, 2017 at 5:03 pm
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      First off, let me say I am so sorry you’re going through this. But now that you have found our site MarriageHelper.com you have come to the right place. The right place to find you. If you haven’t learned already you will but it all starts with you not with her spouse. It starts with a healthy relationship with yourself and loving yourself despite what goes on around you. True love is giving without expectation or intention. Love is to give as lust is to get. You have to love yourself to be able to give love
      I urge you and all that have responded to this above post go on the website read all the articles and listen to all the Podcasts. If you change your thinking, your attitude will be different and your situation will be affected.

      Reply
  • January 16, 2016 at 8:25 pm
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    Merideth,

    You are a brave and loving mother to endure such treatment for a man who does seem to care his wife is unhappy. A healthy marriage should consists of the two of you growing together and from the sounds your’re on that path. Its sad that people cannot evolve overtime but people are who they are and you cannot change them; you can only change yourself and live the life you are proud of. Can you honestly say you are demonstrating a healthy marriage that you/your children can be proud of? If not, I recommend you stating the following below:
    God grant me the serenity
    to accept the things I cannot change;
    courage to change the things I can;
    and wisdom to know the difference.
    Amen.

    Reply
  • January 18, 2016 at 4:50 am
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    I felt real love for my husband when we first got married,but in the change of events and the way he talks to me and no intimacy have lost I love the hair. A fight with me to find it again every day is hotter and hotter, I pray that God helps me to understand what I am to do. I do know that I’m not going to file for divorce but I will grab him one if I pray that God helps me to understand what I am to do. I do know that I’m not going to file for divorce but I will grant him one if he asks. The way this man is I knowing my heart and I could never love him The way wife should love her husband. Sometimes I wish that he would just go. He makes me feel like I am the biggest mistake he made and for that he’s going to spend the rest of my life punishing me.

    Reply
  • January 21, 2016 at 9:42 pm
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    We always advise people who are in danger to seek safety. Please do that, and if necessary call the domestic abuse hotline: 1-800-799-7233 or visit thehotline.org

    Reply
  • February 17, 2016 at 10:46 am
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    I am recently divorced after 22 years of marriage and 27 years of being together with my ex. I never would have considered divorce because I loved him so much and was so devoted to him and our marriage. I thought that there was no way that I would ever walked away. But I finally did. There was nothing else I could do. I couldn’t take the emotional abuse any longer. He never hurt me physically but over the years he became such a negative person that it just sucks the life right out of me. I thought that what we had was love and to some degree it was and always will be but now that I am out of the marriage I see that I deserved so much more. I am now in a relationship that gives me everything that I have been starved for for years. I am fulfilled. I do struggle with feelings of guilt and failure from time to time but it passes. I now know what true and wonderful love is. I have a man that opens up to me, appreciates me and puts me first. So I try and remind myself that God knew that I needed to be with someone who respects me and treats me the way I deserve to be treated. I am so very happy and grateful for my new love. I am a better person and parent for my son. Instead of lemons…I have lemonade! !!

    Reply
  • February 18, 2016 at 5:13 pm
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    My husband and I have been separated off and on for about 4 yrs. This is my third and his second. We met when he was married and he left his wife to be with me. Since then I have found forgiveness in Jesus, and I feel that I have tried to be a good wife. We had the step mother/father/kids issues and my youngest son had Autism, so there were rocky roads. I feel that he felt I wasn’t putting into our marriage as much as he was. I wold pray and ask God to help me love him more, to be the wife he needs me to be, but I felt it never was enough. We had good days, but there was always a tension. There was a jealousy between him and my youngest son. I felt like Gumby being pulled apart and not going in either direction. I felt it has effected my relationship with my son, now 19, and myself. I didnt give him what I felt he needed because if I went to him (my son) My husband would, what I called pout. That was a turn off for me as well. He and I communicated less and less and when we argued wed sweep it under the rug until there was a mound so high we couldnt get around it. I went through a variety of counselors and meds. This as we know does noting for intimacy in a marriage, then I had to have a double hysterectomy, that didnt help! It got to the point where I didnt even like hearing him talk! I was fine until I walked in the door, a smile plastered on because I didnt want to always be unhappy looking, and he would say whats wrong? Of course, I’d say nothing and then it was always that comment of what wrong and even when noting was “wrong” he would think something was. He loves me, I know that. He wants our marriage to work, I have no intimate feelings for him, I don’t even want to kiss and that was my favorite thing to do. He is living with his two daughters, one has her fiance living there, they’ve been together for a long time and his youngest daughter is an on again heroin addict with two beautiful girls, 2 and 4. She uses the kids a tool to get what she wants, like this looser living there because if Mikes says no she’ll take off with the girls. (2 yrs ago she almost killed her babys daddy in a car accident and the oldest was in the back seat and the baby was born with a heroin addiction, but hey she’s a good Mom ;( )Mike being there makes her somewhat accountable but she is lazy and is a crappy mom. I know this is mainly because of the drugs but…he has alot on his plate and he wants me to see his side of things and i truly try! I pray and ask God so much about what to do, help me to love him, etc…that God is probably tired of hearing from me…I know He’s not but you know what I mean. I want to make this marriage work because I feel it is what God wants and I have disappointed Him so much in my life that I so want to do whats right…but I go through the motions and there is nothing there for the most part. Him and my son do not have a good relationship, that is a struggle. When it is just my son and I here there is peace and when Mike is here there is more tension, no matter how we try and be “happy” something is missing. I know the joy of the Lord is my strength and I am not relying on Mike for that, I am not a fairy-tale kind of girl any more. I dont have to have the warm and fuzzys to be in love although from what I remember they were nice LOL So, I just want to say that Mike is not a monster or an evil man, he is kind and good and would do anything for me, but something happened along the way and my whatever has left! I feel like a doubleminded woman and I don’t want to be that way any more. I like being friends with him, I wish I had more, but right now I dont and I cant see it anywhere in the future. THIS IS SO NOT A MOMENT WHERE I AM LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO REPLACE HIM!!! That is the last thing I want!!! I just find more peace without than with…so like my counselor said to me once, “So what’s wrong with you?” I told her that’s what I was paying you for and left! This is just a snippet of my life and may be a little bit of a rabbit trail but thanks for letting me post this and get it out a little… I’ll pray for all of you and maybe you can keep me in your prayers. God bless you all!

    Reply
    • December 5, 2016 at 9:47 am
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      Donna
      Your story reads a bit like mine – Its comforting to know that I’m not going insane. Anyone on this blog are/were searching for answers – glad I found it. Though I still feel like I’m living in suspended animation!

      Reply
  • February 24, 2016 at 5:41 am
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    Hi ,
    I am been marry for 15 years now, I am 38 and he is 48 which is was not a problem for me. But lately he is been mad and abuse me verbal more than before because I loosing weight, take care my self and I going to school. He even ask me that I need to leave school. I already told him that I am not leaving school. We have two kids. I really thinking is time for me to mark an end of this relationship one because he doesn’t want me to progress and that his attitude make me loss the things that one day I used to feel for him.

    Reply
    • February 25, 2016 at 5:08 pm
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      Hello, Patty-

      Thank you for taking time & sharing what you’re going through. There are several other articles that we offer for free that maybe able to help you with your situation. We are also available to talk at (615) 472- 1161.

      Reply
  • July 15, 2016 at 12:58 am
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    To improve the closeness with my partner, we should enjoy a journey together, because she likes to travel.
    Be more detailed with the couple strengthens the relationship, and the passion as is natural consequence.
    I think that celebrate our commitment, at a luncheon, dinner or in a camp, it strengthens the relationship.

    Reply
  • November 27, 2016 at 9:41 pm
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    My marriage from the start has been rocky. I love my wife to death. She has cheated on me a few times and ended up with a baby. She says she has changed since having her and is love with me. I don’t get the emotional support I need from her and she doesn’t share her emotions with me. She ended up in a financial bind and I find myself giving her all of my money in order to help her out of it. It has been hard because I am in love with her and I want things to work but I can only be a good guy for so long. I need emotional support. I don’t want to be told that I’m being to emotional when all I want is a phone call every now and then. Also flirt with me a little so I feel attractive. I understand that her daughter is sick and in the hospital. I’ve done so much though that I want to be made some kind of priority. Maybe I’m being selfish.

    Reply
  • January 19, 2017 at 9:47 pm
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    i dnt knw u and i dnt know ur husband. but i come from a broken home and all i can say is if you do do anything dont do it because you are angry do it because it has to be done. And think about your children. If you cnt leave it probably means you still have some deep deep feelings for hom hiden some where inside. Ask him about your intimasy and how it effects him, what makes him want it. Think about why you dont feel anything for him. If any oppotunity comes up for him to fix his life and get to where he wanted to be.surport him and let him know you want the best for him…. Ask him to tell you what he wants for you marriage. thats all i can say and the best i can help

    Reply
  • March 7, 2017 at 5:59 pm
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    Hi Everyone, i’ve been with my husband for 21years (16 years married), he was always a loner, it was always just the 2 of us, we have a 8 year old son who was very sick with multiple operations ib the first 5 years of his life… so life was all about our son. My husband just started a new job with about 30 single/divorced women in the same building and started becoming friends with them, he even took one on a bike ride during lunch time so she could go buy a bike jacket and gloves, this past weekend there was a bike expo and he just informed me 2days before that he’s going, i also ride a bike but he didn’t ask if i wanted to go along, so i invited myself, when i got there the same divorced wonen was there with her sisters son, my husband kept asking me if he couldn’t let her ride with him on his bike as she looked uncomfortable on the other bike, i said “no”, he was so preoccupied with hes comfort that it irritated me… We’ve been fighting constantly since we moved and he started his new job… he’s even told our son he thinks we should get divorced, and last night he told me he needs other people to talk to cause talking to me isn’t enough for him any more, he talks to me and yells at me like i’m not even hunan. He also said he hasn’t done anything wrong but if i keep not trusting him he might as well… a few weeks ago i asked him if he loves me and his words was” i can’t love you cause i dont even love myself”… I do love him with all my heart and sometimes feel maybe i should just let hin go out and do what he wants, but then again, i’m always the one who stays home and look after our son… He also insists on me working… I just feel dead inside… if i cry he tells me to stop crying if i talk back he tells me to “shut up”… He doesn’t want to go to therapy…

    Reply
    • March 10, 2017 at 6:31 pm
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      I am so sorry you are going through this..

      Have you listened to Dr. Beam’s podcast on boundaries???

      Reply

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